It seems as though my thoughts agree to run rampant

About you and all the other people at night.

Cause when my heart is all wrong, nothing feels right.

I search for some satisfaction by taking opposite actions to what I really need.

I smoke some weed to pass the time.

I drink just to continue getting by.

I make it a hobby to decipher peoples lives,

I catch lies and thread them all together,

Creating a perfectly imperfect picture of all the things I don’t believe.

I twist my own emotions into a fantasy.

I lose sight of reality and honestly, I even start to have a doubt in me.

I fall off the track to happiness and success,

I live in a world that doesn’t quite exist.

I pry and pry until I cross a line I knew I shouldn’t have crossed.

I search for trust and loyalty in mysterious people.

People that have walls up higher than the Greatest,

because of other people that thought they were toys to be played with.

It’s unfair, really, how one can care so aimlessly without a goal in sight.

It’s ridiculous how the things we do can be so wrong,

but feel so god damn right. I hate to feel this lost sometimes.

To live a life without motivation or drive

for things that other people are deprived of, like an education.

To have so big a heart that cares so much for people who do nothing for me.

To dream so realistically about things that I know I’m not ready for.

To always have a little, but still want more and more.

I ask too much of people. I expect too much.

I just like to give and give and sometimes I want to take. I need to.

I’m so unappreciated. I really truly am. And it is this, that I do not understand.

Why does history always have to repeat itself? 

Why does something have to go wrong before someone realizes how good I am to them? 

How good I am FOR them? It’s a battle just to be somebody’s friend.

Half the time they don’t even fight back, so why do I bother?

Because I care too much. 

Not to change the subject, but I miss your touch.

The one that calms me instantly. 

How is it that the same hand that causes you so much pain gives me so much peace?

Why is it that writing things like this can be my only release?

When is it that I will take a stand for these beliefs?

Love is blind and it’s also something people don’t search for, but still happen to find.

I like to share mine with the same people who push me to the side.

Because they might not appreciate it, but when they need it, I make sure it isn’t hard to find.

Everyone deserves to be cared about. Everyone needs to be taken care of once in a while.

So the next time you ask me why I’m still around,

it’s because I may be lost to myself, but for your heart,

I’ll always be found.

For the most part, you appreciated what I gave you and for that I can’t be upset.

I’m upset at myself for forgetting to appreciate you.

The past is the past, but fuck does the hurt still last.

And I don’t want to admit it to myself, but that love is still there.

It probably always will be.

As for the other people on mind, I’d like to see appreciation from time to time.

Reciprocation would be even better, but maybe that’s too much to ask.

Considering the fact that I should know something like this isn’t meant to last.

But I’ll continue my days being who I am,

Because I sure have grown and I sure have cried.

I sure have laughed and I sure have lied,

and I sure have set my pride aside.

And I hate when people say this, because it’s usually a lie,

but my true friends know that I’m a fucking ride or die.

- by Jade Rain Vega

But when you think about it, there are only so many times when one’s name is used. 

-When you first meet someone, you tell them your name.

-When your parents are yelling at you, they use your name.

-When you’re repeatedly trying to get someone’s attention, you use their name.

-When there is a serious point in a conversation or argument, you may use that person’s name.

-When you tell someone you love them, or how you feel about them, you use their name, to reassure them that it is them* that you’re talking about. 

Once you start to date someone, or you’re good enough friends, you don’t always use their name…

You don’t answer the phone and Say Hey, {insert name here] what’s up? It’s a simple Hello, What’s up. Or Hey girl!, or What’s good! or a Yoo {insert nickname] or just a simple Whatup.

While in relationships we use the nicknames babe, baby, hunny, sweetie, cutie etc. Some names we make up our own to have something “unique” to call our significant other.

It’s once you start to become strangers again or once you try to break a habit, that you keep reminding that person that they’re not close enough anymore. It’s like you’re just meeting, or arguing. You keep saying their name for EVERYTHING, because they’re not you’re “babe” anymore, or your “bestie” or any other nickname they might’ve had.

I know my name, but you don’t have to take every opportunity to reiterate the fact that we aren’t the way we used to be. I know we’re not. You make it clear every time we speak. 

So…My Name is Jade. What’s yours?